detail from the new painting more later//....

Just thought it would be interesting to post this right next to the other one to see the difference. I worked on it some. I am going to post some photos of my newer painting in a little while. I have some work in progress photos of it.

Above is a detail from the painting I am working on. The dimensions are 12" square. Oil on canvas.




Above is a detail from a painting currently under suspicion of being completed. 12" square. Oil on canvas.

The third in this series is sketched out, and will also be 12" square. It is from a photograph taken in Vietnam during the war.

I went to the Armory show yesterday at pier 90 with my friend Jessica Delfino. We rode our bikes together up the west side bike path from the lower east side. Enjoyed the lovely spring weather and the river vistas along the way. Both of us being broke, we devised (rather, i devised) a method for entering the international art exhibit that happens only once a year for free.
Getting into museums in NYC for free is easy. Simply approach audience members leaving the museum and politely greet them and ask if you can have their button, armband or ticket stub.
Most other humans will quickly ascertain what your intentions are and either freak out and run away screaming or will smile and hand it over.
I have only witnessed the latter.
So, after locking our bikes up I quickly approached the crowd of people about to cross the henry hudson hwy and swiftly acquired one armband. Jessica asked for the second one. They were those fibrous plastic kind and the sticky part was designed to fall apart when ripped off to discourage exactly the kind of activity we were engaged in. However, with a small piece of duct tape kindly provided by a street artist vender dude that was quickly remedied and we breezed past the guards no problemo.
Wandering around the show, I took many photos of the artwork and installations from all over the world. It was really great to take it all in. Total diversity in style and content.
We went out a door later that led out to the side of the pier. I took these two pictures out there:





There is more but I just downloaded an episode of "weeds" from i tunes and i want to watch it.

The moon is beautiful and the tempurature is going down. Rumour has it that there will be snow.

I am trying to get in the habit of blogging on here but i keep forgetting about it. So check back in a few days and I will post some more photos.

I like looking at shapes in the world that repeat and create a visual rythym.

I think about how humans have this deep seated need to be reassured that they actually exist. It can be found manifested in the way some people look in the mirror alot or have to get up on a stage and be watched. We only know for sure that we exist by affecting the world around us. If I can get you to react, then its proof that I do exist. So, if you cry or laugh or get really pissed off at me, its all the same really. You are giving me the evidence I need because, if I dont exist, what are you getting all worked up over? If I just marginally exist and dont matter very much, then arousing strong emotions in others is one way to convince ourselves that we matter. That there is actually some point to our existance. Yes, they might say, I exist to piss you off. That is the complete meaning of my life. Laugh if you want, but its sadly true, you can witness it everyday in nyc. Personally, I would rather make people laugh than cry or rage. That's just me, call me what you will. I have had strangers scream at me for inconsequential things and it's always shocking to me. When it happens, I feel a weird disconnect, like they are just using me. One day I had a woman screaming at me because she was watching me park my car behind hers and I accidently bumped it a little (normal in NYC) She was so enraged it was almost humorous. I pretty much just silently listened to her. When she was done, I felt like I should have charged her money for the theraputic aspects of my services.


When I get really depressed, its when I feel my self having no affect on any other person's self. Its when I confront the void and live in it for awhile that I start to disbelieve that I do exist and on top of that I do matter. My cats are good for this, they actually need me to continue existing. Not only that, but they are affected by me and they can also affect me. Joe attacked my barefoot tonight when I was drawing and I had my foot partly sticking out from the other side of the door underneath and he attacted it. that was exciting!!I want to feel part of a larger thing, a blob, an entity, a organism, if you will. I hardly do these days. I am looking for a new non-profit to volunteer for. I think the food bank or something. I am one of those people that actually get off on helping other people. I know, its dorky and not very chic, but oh well. I just hate this feeling of numbness that starts to permeate when there is no connection or very little, with the humans around me. Roomates drift in and out of the house, making a bee line for their room and closing the door. People on the street and in the shops seem to strive to have as little personal contact with strangers as possible. I am different, I like to talk to people on the subway or wherever. Tonight was exceptional with the homies, one has a friend visiting from chicago and they cooked a big meal and we all ate together. that was cool. i like all of my housemates alot!! i didnt think i would ever hear myself say that. and i still havent heard myself say it. i silently typed it while saying it in my head.

Thinking about homeless people and the human need to be acknowledged (which is pretty much the basis for all open mics): I imagine that that is a very big need that alot of the homeless have. to be simply aknowledged by people, so that they can know that they exist. maybe they arent going to get the extra boost that makes them feel they matter much, being as how they sort of dont circumstantially... Its not too hard to provide a little aknowledgment to the local homeless peeps by simply saying hi to them or no at least instead of completely tuning them out. Even making eye contact could help, i am sure. these people probably feel subhuman as it is so having someone calmly meet their eyes is probably a good thingunless they are completely scary and insane. then try to not even look at them at all and walk very quickly the other way, 'make little fast feet' to quote my sister julie. Sometimes homeless guys will yell at me when i am riding my bike. Usually because i rang my bell to alert them to my existance and proximity so They wouldnt step out in front of me and get run down. I had a guy infuriated beyond all reason because i simply rang my bell as i went by him. i wasnt even ringing it at him. he was at tompkins sq park and i could hear him yelling clear up to 9th or 10th street. it was funny.

laugh now, godamnit, i need proof i exist